This Christmas

I’m in the guard room, not totally dark with orange streaks of light shining through the window. I’ve never been in such a situation before, at this point of the year.

Typing a blog post while listening to the mp3, waiting for my duty to start. Listening to “officially missing you” because I really miss my baby so much, and my family too. I should be at home eating dinner with them right now, counting down to Christmas, but I’m not.

Today made me hate the army so much, made me feel like I’m at the wrong place at the wrong time, made me hate the person who thought of national service. But what can I do other than to go through this bad night quickly? Nothing.

Seems like I will be in the center of the forest when the clock strikes 12 tonight, oh well.

And word by word I’m losing the mood to continue my post.

I shall continue waiting for my duty while SMSing my baby, Coz only she can make my time go faster and make this a less painful Christmas.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Wow Hi again..

Hi everybody, seems like I’m back, but not totally back.

I’m just back because I just feel like blogging suddenly, but this is totally normal because sometimes I just have this feeling to blog and after a little while it just dies off, so don’t expect a regular update from me.

It have been almost a year that I have not updated this blog, but trust me, things now are 10000000000000000000 times better than a year ago because my baby made my life so much enjoyable and meaningful.

Since I’m serving the so called national service right now, I have some things to blog about, might be totally off topic to most people but I just want some thoughts out of my mind.

I think it have been like almost one month that I had passed out from BMT and I can seriously say that I do miss it. Things are so different from BMT and unit here, especially when it comes to the people closest to you in your army days, your so called bunk mates.

I do miss my bunkmates in BMT, because you seriously go through shit with them. Some friends I have in BMT made me go pass my limit and you know, sort of pushes you on when you think you have achieved the max.

Nowadays, I really do miss the times when I have my own time own target buddy with me, doing our own jogs, training together and working towards a target like passing IPPT so we don’t get to stay back on weekends for remedial training? That’s what is lacking here in my camp.

Now, all I have is myself to push myself because until now I haven’t found a friend or a buddy that can go through shit together with. Maybe because all of us have already gone through shit and life here is too good, maybe because they, similar to myself, already have bonded with friends and want to stick to their friends..

Let’s hope someone can prove me wrong, now, all I have to depend on is my precious baby and my family to push me on! But seriously, as long as they are with me, that’s enough! Will update again soon! See ya!

Christmas

I see Christmas as a nice day to spend time with your family, giving presents, listening to Christmas songs and being happy because there is simply nothing to worry about.

Today, I woke up, I feel… Disappointed? Because I woke up and everyone’s still sleeping, it’s cold, just that it’s the air-condition.

Everyone’s sleeping to their heart’s content while I, woke up and feel to be so alone, especially after what had happened.

Every single time I’m alone with no one else with me, I feel so fed up and miserable? It made me think how nice it is to have someone to talk to no matter where you are, that’s like a week ago, even though I’m alone.

It makes me feel as if I have to restart everything again, from the start.

I won’t die, and won’t see that as a way out. But I don’t know what’s going on with me.