Archive for October, 2009|Monthly archive page

Start of school

In blog on October 21, 2009 at 11:04 pm

School have been quite nice so far, except for some ups and downs, things in school is not very peaceful though, but I do had fun so far…

Yes, I love the life in school…

The timetable is quite relaxed, not so tiring but the project nonsense is back again, especially BD.. I’m so damn reluctant to do BD as always.

And well, some things are really sad, for me that is, I still see things that I hate happen right in front of me. And I don’t see that changing, for now.

I always ask myself, what can I do, seriously?


Seems like it’s back.

In blog on October 16, 2009 at 3:31 pm

The mood to blog is back again.

Maybe because school is starting soon once again?

I have no idea how this last semester is going to be like because as usual, I’m afraid some things are gonna happen. I don’t think I’m going to have any problems with the academic aspects of school, neither am I gonna have problems with friends since I’m gonna see them like everyday?

So, see you guys in school soon!

A note

In blog on October 15, 2009 at 7:10 pm

Just now, while I was driving home, I was thinking and wondering, what did I do to deserve a life like this?

Did I do many sinful things for the past 20 years?

Or is this just I have to go through no matter what?

It’s like, since year 1 till now, coming to the end of year 3, I find that I didn’t achieve much.

I kept wondering, who actually have me in their mind? Who takes me as someone that they are afraid to lose contact with? What’s gonna happen after poly? Will my close friends degrade to just hi bye friends in the future?

It is unbelievable that for this whole holiday, I only met some of the friends that i considered close once. I would have used work as an excuse because I have simply no time, but I just feel there are more than just that. Maybe because I don’t feel the enthusiasm at all? Don’t have the feeling that they’ll look foward to it, don’t have the feeling that they really want it.

Worrying for every actions I do almost every minute, thinking of the damn what ifs every second. Don’t want to know what will happen in the future. Seriously, why the hell do I have to go through this? How do I stand, WHAT am I in their heart? How much do they remember me? Do they only remember me only when I jump up and say hey I’m right here?

Why do people only do things I tell them only when I remind them and after awhile? Things just go back to normal. And I won’t dare to remind them again.

And who can I trust? People tell me to trust them, or maybe its just a non-verbal thing. But seriously, how many freaking times am I left out of the dark when decisions are made without me knowing and when people say I’m a nice person, do they really mean that? I seriously don’t know.

For so many years of course I’d want people to treat me as important, and from the right person, the right people, but do I get the importance that makes me feel normal? I don’t think so.