Archive for the ‘blog’ Category

This Christmas

In blog on December 24, 2010 at 7:35 pm

I’m in the guard room, not totally dark with orange streaks of light shining through the window. I’ve never been in such a situation before, at this point of the year.

Typing a blog post while listening to the mp3, waiting for my duty to start. Listening to “officially missing you” because I really miss my baby so much, and my family too. I should be at home eating dinner with them right now, counting down to Christmas, but I’m not.

Today made me hate the army so much, made me feel like I’m at the wrong place at the wrong time, made me hate the person who thought of national service. But what can I do other than to go through this bad night quickly? Nothing.

Seems like I will be in the center of the forest when the clock strikes 12 tonight, oh well.

And word by word I’m losing the mood to continue my post.

I shall continue waiting for my duty while SMSing my baby, Coz only she can make my time go faster and make this a less painful Christmas.

Merry Christmas everybody!


Wow Hi again..

In blog on October 27, 2010 at 11:32 pm

Hi everybody, seems like I’m back, but not totally back.

I’m just back because I just feel like blogging suddenly, but this is totally normal because sometimes I just have this feeling to blog and after a little while it just dies off, so don’t expect a regular update from me.

It have been almost a year that I have not updated this blog, but trust me, things now are 10000000000000000000 times better than a year ago because my baby made my life so much enjoyable and meaningful.

Since I’m serving the so called national service right now, I have some things to blog about, might be totally off topic to most people but I just want some thoughts out of my mind.

I think it have been like almost one month that I had passed out from BMT and I can seriously say that I do miss it. Things are so different from BMT and unit here, especially when it comes to the people closest to you in your army days, your so called bunk mates.

I do miss my bunkmates in BMT, because you seriously go through shit with them. Some friends I have in BMT made me go pass my limit and you know, sort of pushes you on when you think you have achieved the max.

Nowadays, I really do miss the times when I have my own time own target buddy with me, doing our own jogs, training together and working towards a target like passing IPPT so we don’t get to stay back on weekends for remedial training? That’s what is lacking here in my camp.

Now, all I have is myself to push myself because until now I haven’t found a friend or a buddy that can go through shit together with. Maybe because all of us have already gone through shit and life here is too good, maybe because they, similar to myself, already have bonded with friends and want to stick to their friends..

Let’s hope someone can prove me wrong, now, all I have to depend on is my precious baby and my family to push me on! But seriously, as long as they are with me, that’s enough! Will update again soon! See ya!


In blog on December 25, 2009 at 11:10 am

I see Christmas as a nice day to spend time with your family, giving presents, listening to Christmas songs and being happy because there is simply nothing to worry about.

Today, I woke up, I feel… Disappointed? Because I woke up and everyone’s still sleeping, it’s cold, just that it’s the air-condition.

Everyone’s sleeping to their heart’s content while I, woke up and feel to be so alone, especially after what had happened.

Every single time I’m alone with no one else with me, I feel so fed up and miserable? It made me think how nice it is to have someone to talk to no matter where you are, that’s like a week ago, even though I’m alone.

It makes me feel as if I have to restart everything again, from the start.

I won’t die, and won’t see that as a way out. But I don’t know what’s going on with me.

Start of school

In blog on October 21, 2009 at 11:04 pm

School have been quite nice so far, except for some ups and downs, things in school is not very peaceful though, but I do had fun so far…

Yes, I love the life in school…

The timetable is quite relaxed, not so tiring but the project nonsense is back again, especially BD.. I’m so damn reluctant to do BD as always.

And well, some things are really sad, for me that is, I still see things that I hate happen right in front of me. And I don’t see that changing, for now.

I always ask myself, what can I do, seriously?

Seems like it’s back.

In blog on October 16, 2009 at 3:31 pm

The mood to blog is back again.

Maybe because school is starting soon once again?

I have no idea how this last semester is going to be like because as usual, I’m afraid some things are gonna happen. I don’t think I’m going to have any problems with the academic aspects of school, neither am I gonna have problems with friends since I’m gonna see them like everyday?

So, see you guys in school soon!

A note

In blog on October 15, 2009 at 7:10 pm

Just now, while I was driving home, I was thinking and wondering, what did I do to deserve a life like this?

Did I do many sinful things for the past 20 years?

Or is this just I have to go through no matter what?

It’s like, since year 1 till now, coming to the end of year 3, I find that I didn’t achieve much.

I kept wondering, who actually have me in their mind? Who takes me as someone that they are afraid to lose contact with? What’s gonna happen after poly? Will my close friends degrade to just hi bye friends in the future?

It is unbelievable that for this whole holiday, I only met some of the friends that i considered close once. I would have used work as an excuse because I have simply no time, but I just feel there are more than just that. Maybe because I don’t feel the enthusiasm at all? Don’t have the feeling that they’ll look foward to it, don’t have the feeling that they really want it.

Worrying for every actions I do almost every minute, thinking of the damn what ifs every second. Don’t want to know what will happen in the future. Seriously, why the hell do I have to go through this? How do I stand, WHAT am I in their heart? How much do they remember me? Do they only remember me only when I jump up and say hey I’m right here?

Why do people only do things I tell them only when I remind them and after awhile? Things just go back to normal. And I won’t dare to remind them again.

And who can I trust? People tell me to trust them, or maybe its just a non-verbal thing. But seriously, how many freaking times am I left out of the dark when decisions are made without me knowing and when people say I’m a nice person, do they really mean that? I seriously don’t know.

For so many years of course I’d want people to treat me as important, and from the right person, the right people, but do I get the importance that makes me feel normal? I don’t think so.

In blog on September 21, 2009 at 12:58 am

best week of 2009!!!

In blog on September 15, 2009 at 6:39 am

Just like everybody hates to be told what they can or cannot do, that’s me too.

I hate it when people talks behind people’s back speculating what the hell is happening and thinks it should not be happening.

What I do, is what I WANT to do, so seriously, you have the right to give opinions but you don’t have the damn rights to WANT me to do it your way.

If after 500000 times of telling me off doesn’t work, or 50000 times of hearing you say shit about me, and I still don’t change, it shows I DON’T GIVE A DAMN. And the only thing you should do is CARRY ON WITH YOUR DAMN FREAKING LIFE? And leave me alone?

All this shit doesn’t make sense seriously. The only thing that make sense and will make sense is that what I do doesn’t affect your lives, so seriously, mind your own businesses.

This is to whoever made my life like shit because of what you think.

After Exams Chalet…FUN!!!

In blog on September 15, 2009 at 12:23 am

So after the grueling exam period for a freaking 2 weeks, we have one huge plan after that, A CHALET FOR about 2 days!

Everyone of us are so excited for it, during the exams all of us wished that time can just fly and we will get the chalet like NOW?!

Now, how I wished we can turn back time and relive this chalet once again! Because we had a super fun and nice time there.

Picnik collage

Read the rest of this entry »

Hold on!

In blog on September 6, 2009 at 11:10 pm

Hi guys! hold on while I complete the chalet post, very very soon, pictures are done but the mood is not there to blog!

Good night!